Ive always been a disappoitment for everyone. YOU, my family and friends. Stupid pathetic failer, with a big dream of being ‘great’ about doing something ‘more’, to make some change, to bring hope and happiness, to put smile on faces of others. To be a good person. But I couldnt put those dreams into action. I swear I had tried… Id tried and tried and tried, but Id failed, I keep failing. Ive became a complite opposite of a person Ive always wanted to be..

DISAPPOINTMENT

FAILER

COWARD

I had wanted to be a hero, to help, to make the world a better place, to make people feel better in their lives with themselves. But I had failed.

“If I die, it will be your fault”

Id put my hopes too high… Id made so many promises which Id really wanted to make them come true to keep it, but it was too much for me.

“You dont care”

“You do it on purpose”

“You dont love me anymore”

“I need you”

Ive needed you too.. I still need you.. I’ll always love you.. And I didnt do it on purpose.. I cared more than anyone could even imagine and it was killing me I couldnt make u see it.

Someone has told me lately, that its possible to start over, to move on and start a new life. I hold on to it… Thats a hope which keeps me alive, which reduce the pain. However it always comes back.. Memories which cut me like a knife, fears, feeling of guilt, anguish, worries.. But I need to live.. If I could I would’ve ended it long time ago.. But have to. It hurts me to live and pretend someone Im not..

So many other people were strong enough to change their lives no matter how traumatic past they had had before. And at the moment I hold on this hope too.

‘Without hope, the us’s give up - I know you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. So you, and you, and you… You gotta give em’ hope… you gotta give em’ hope.’

I gotta do something…

And finally make it right…